Why Single Mums Feel So Stuck (and how a somatic approach can help)

Many single mums move through life after separation or divorce in a fog of fear, frustration and pure exhaustion — often running on adrenaline and strong black coffee just to get through the day, and perhaps drinking a little too much red wine to ‘relax’ each evening.

When you are carrying the mental load, the financial responsibility, the household labour & logistics, and the parenting — often alone — it can feel impossible to see beyond the endless list of tasks. Each week blends into the next. You do what needs to be done for everyone else, and somewhere along the way, you lose sight of what feels exciting, expansive or even possible for you. And the painful emotional labour of the relationship rupture that just happened is often ever-present and wells up into anger and tears, or deep wells of sadness and grief at times too.

If you feel stuck in a similar cycle, I want you to know — I’ve been there too.

And I also want you to know: it is ok that this is here right now, and that things don’t have to stay that way. There is light at the end of the tunnel even if you can’t see it right now, and there is a way through it and beyond for you and your children where life will feel good and moving in a direction you love.

In this article, I want to gently guide you from feeling trapped in survival mode toward opening to possibility — toward building a life you genuinely love, not one you’re just getting by in.

 Embracing the Stark Reality (Without Judgement)

Being a single mum can feel like a relentless cycle of responsibility, whether separation just happened, or has been your reality for awhile. The constant demands of managing everything alone can feel relentless. Children’s needs. School forms. Work. Bills. Mortgage or rent. Groceries. Laundry. Rinse and repeat with each day that goes by.

There is very little margin.

Very little rest.

And often very little space for you.

It can often feel relentlessly constant and like there is no way out.

If you sometimes feel exhausted, resentful, numb or like you want to throw in the towel — I hear you and it makes perfect sense that you feel that way.

Your nervous system has likely been in a prolonged state of survival, oscillating from the anxiety and blind rage of the fight & flight state to the numbness and despair of freeze and fawn, through a range of discomfort in between.

Glimpses of that sense of safety and rest and digest state are fleeting or even imaginary.

You could be forgiven for wondering, when will it stop? When will I feel like myself again? When will life feel fun and with some semblance of excitement for the future?

And you might not have made it that far yet. For you, it might be, a questions of how much more of this can I take?

And even if things go up and down, you might keep cycling around to that feeling of not moving forward. I did.

Even though it sure feels like it, you are not alone.

Before anything can shift though, we must start here:
With honesty.
With compassion.
With permission to feel exactly what you’re feeling.

Not to fix it immediately.
Not to push it away, or throw in the towel or run a mile and never return
But to acknowledge it.

And start to entertain the idea of turning towards it with a view to facing it fair and square with as much love and compassion as you can muster.

The Hidden Root: Living in Survival Mode

Funnily enough it is all about that – love and compassion, and curiosity about what is driving that feeling of stuck ness.

You may not be able to access this yet though and that is ok. First you might be asking WHY is this happening to me?

A valid question, that needs to be asked and the pain of it felt, but we ultimately don’t want to get stuck there.

Underneath the exhaustion and frustration is often something deeper — a body that does not feel safe to slow down, wants to keep pushing, pushing for what feels missing perhaps.

After separation, financial stress, or emotional upheaval, many single mums live in a subtle but constant state of fight, flight or freeze. You might notice:

• Feeling wired but tired
• Snapping more easily
• Avoiding decisions
• Feeling frozen or unable to move forward

When you say “I feel stuck,” it is often your nervous system sitting in freeze — conserving energy because everything feels overwhelming.

This isn’t weakness.
It’s biology.

And the beautiful part? Biology can shift.

The first step is awareness.
The second is creating small experiences of safety in the body.

These are the first essential steps to exploring, releasing and ultimately embracing all that is coming up inside you in response to your world as it is now.

These are the first beautiful foundations of the healing process within.

Reimagining a way forward

When you’re in survival mode, life feels like a trap — something happening to you over and over and over that feels hard and inescapable.

But what if, gently, we experimented with a different lens?

What if this season that is here with you right now, is not a trap — but a transition?

What if it’s not static — but fluid?

Not endless – but just a hard phase.

And you can do hard beautiful one.

Your children will grow.
Circumstances will shift.
You will evolve.

Even considering that this moment is temporary can introduce hope into your nervous system. And hope creates space.

Space allows choice.
Choice allows movement.
Movement creates momentum.

You can heal and create a life you love no matter where you are now. I hope that knowing this from reading my words, will allow this perspective to help you find small moments of peace and learning amid the chaos.

It is these that will help you move forward as they did for me.

Gentle, Somatic Steps Toward Change

This isn’t about adding more to your to-do list.
It’s about shifting how your body experiences your life.

Here are simple practices that can begin that shift:

1. Morning Grounding (5 minutes is enough)

Step outside if you can. Feel your feet on the ground.
Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly.
Slow your breath.
Let your body register that, in this moment, you are safe.

You are allowed to start your day anchored instead of activated.

2. Evening Release

At night, instead of scrolling or collapsing into bed, try:

• Journalling what feels heavy
• Shaking out your arms and legs
• Playing a song you love and allowing your body to move how it wants (remember, noone is watching!)

No choreography.
No performance.
Just movement.

And exploring little by little what works for you and your unique body and nervous system.

It is like building a relationship with yourself again. Little by little, showing up for yourself and your experience inside and out.

Why Movement Matters (The “Dance”)

In somatic therapy, the antidote to stuck ness is movement.

When we feel frozen or powerless, even down and depressed, the body often needs physical expression to free up your system’s resources, before the mind can get involved again. Gentle swaying, shaking, stretching or dancing can signal to your nervous system:

“I am not trapped. I can move.”

Movement helps shift you from freeze toward safety and agency.

And when you feel agency — even in small ways — confidence begins to return.

You start to feel capable again.
You start to feel like you again.

The key is dancing (or moving) ‘like no one is watching’ as much as you can whilst slowly leaning into allowing your body to move however it needs to.

A conscious swaying, shaking or jumping might be required first to shift things into more flow and ‘into your body’.

Feeling that sense of agency in the moment of being able to take action and be capable, and the blossoming of a new positive regard and even compassion for yourself.

That feels, well powerful and like change for the better is possible for you.

Small Shifts Create Big Change

Honestly, the most profound thing I learned on my journey is that when you slowly start to entertain the possibility of this and just give yourself time and space in small moments, things can shift, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes in magical ones.

Not because your circumstances change overnight.
But because your relationship to them does.

And when that shifts, your choices shift.
Your energy shifts.
Your capacity expands.

Encouragement for the Road Ahead

The moments that feel never-ending are not evidence that you are failing. They are invitations to meet yourself with more compassion than ever before.

Remember that is where healing and repair starts. With love and compassion and some gentle curiosity in the place of judgement and censure.

You do not need to overhaul your life.
You do not need a 10-step plan.
You do not need to have it all figured out.

You just need to begin. Slowly.

One breath.
One movement.
One small step at a time.

From there, thriving becomes possible.

Takeaway

Being a single mum comes with real challenges. But within each day lies the potential for transformation. When you begin working with your nervous system — rather than against it — the feeling of being stuck can soften into growth, empowerment and even joy.

And you deserve that.