Having Standards Doesn't Mean You're Asking for Too Much

Have you ever talked yourself out of wanting something because you were worried you were asking for too much?

Maybe you wanted better communication.

Consistency.

Respect.

Someone who did what they said they were going to do.

Someone who made you feel considered rather than confused.

But somewhere along the way, you started wondering...

Am I expecting too much?

For many women, particularly after a difficult relationship, this question becomes surprisingly complicated.

Because when you've spent a long time adapting, compromising, keeping the peace or trying to make something work, you can lose sight of the difference between being flexible...

and abandoning yourself.

Standards Aren't About Perfection

Healthy standards aren't a checklist designed to find a perfect human being.

Perfect people don't exist.

We all get things wrong.

We all have difficult days.

We all bring our histories into relationships.

Healthy standards are much simpler.

They're about deciding what needs to exist for a relationship to feel healthy for you.

Respect.

Honesty.

Kindness.

Consistency.

Communication.

Safety.

Shared effort.

Whatever matters most to you.

The point isn't to create impossible expectations.

It's to stop convincing yourself that things that hurt you repeatedly are things you simply have to tolerate.

What Have You Normalised?

Sometimes we don't realise how much we've normalised until we step outside of it.

Walking on eggshells.

Being ignored when someone is angry.

Always being the one who apologises.

Making excuses for someone.

Accepting words without changed behaviour.

Feeling anxious because you never quite know where you stand.

Shrinking yourself to avoid conflict.

None of this means you were foolish.

Sometimes we adapt because, at the time, adapting feels easier than losing the relationship.

But eventually we get to ask a different question.

Does this still work for the woman I'm becoming?

Boundaries Aren't Punishments

A boundary isn't:

"You have to behave the way I want."

It's closer to:

"This is what I need in order to participate in this relationship in a healthy way."

That difference matters.

We can't control another person's choices.

But we can become clearer about our own.

You can decide which conversations you'll participate in.

How you expect to be spoken to.

What behaviour you're willing to remain around.

Where your time and energy go.

And what happens when something repeatedly crosses a line that matters to you.

Your Children Are Learning About Relationships Too

As mums, we often think about what we want to teach our children about relationships.

Be kind.

Respect yourself.

Choose good friends.

Don't let people treat you badly.

But they're also watching what we accept.

That doesn't mean you have to model perfect boundaries.

It means they can watch you learn.

They can see that love and self-respect are allowed to exist together.

That saying no doesn't make someone unkind.

That changing your mind is allowed.

That apologising when you're wrong is strength.

And that loving someone doesn't require losing yourself.

You Don't Need to Become Hard

Sometimes heartbreak makes us want to build enormous walls.

Never again.

But boundaries don't have to turn you into someone closed.

They can actually help you remain soft.

Because when you trust yourself to recognise what isn't right for you, you don't need to protect yourself from everyone.

You simply become more discerning about who gets access to you.

Coffee with Future You ☕

Imagine yourself three years from now.

She's surrounded by relationships that feel mutual, respectful and safe.

She isn't constantly wondering where she stands.

She doesn't have to make herself smaller to keep people.

She looks back at you and says:

"Thank you for finally believing that wanting respect, consistency and kindness wasn't asking for too much."

What standard did she stop apologising for?

Reflection

This week, you may wish to ask yourself:

What have I been accepting that no longer feels aligned with the woman I'm becoming?

You don't have to change everything today.

Awareness is a beginning.

Maybe creating a life you love also means becoming intentional about the relationships you allow to grow inside it.

And maybe healthy standards aren't about expecting too much.

Maybe they're about finally recognising that you matter in your relationships too.