The Anger You Keep Pushing Down Might Be the Most Honest Part of You: Single mum edition

Anger is often one of the most misunderstood emotions.

And let's face it, as a single mum, we have a lot of it whether we are aware of it or not.

So this is a topic worth talking about because it affects more things in your life than you might realise and puts up more blocks to your success and moving forward than you might realise when it is suppressed.

And when it is fully felt and expressed it can be one of your most powerful and useful emotions for feeling like yourself again, having good relationships, saying what needs to be said, put in healthy boundaries to assert and protect yourself, effectively handle your kids big emotions and more!

However, anger is an emotion that is so often labelled as:

• too much
• inappropriate
• something to control or suppress

So many people learn, very early on, that anger isn’t safe to express.

So instead… they hold it.

They stay calm.
They stay reasonable.
They keep going.

And over time, that anger doesn’t disappear.

It just… builds.

The quiet build-up

Anger doesn’t always look like yelling or outward expression.

Sometimes it looks like:

• irritability
• snapping over small things
• constant tension in your body
• feeling overwhelmed or “on edge”

It can come from:

• doing too much for too long
• not feeling supported
• not having space to express how you really feel

And when it has nowhere to go, it often turns inward, or else vomits all over the ones you love, often your kids. I've been there so many times. Yelling at the kids when they do the smallest thing sometimes because of the anger and frustration you feel yourself.

It isn't healthy for you or the kids, even though it is a normal human emotion. And as I said at the start, an emotion that when felt and expressed in a health way can become your best friend and the most authentic and powerful version of you!

Anger and chronic stress

From an educational perspective, when the body is under ongoing stress, it can remain in a state of activation.

This can feel like:

• tight shoulders or jaw
• shallow breathing
• difficulty relaxing
• a constant sense of pressure

Anger can be part of this picture — not as something separate, but as part of the body’s way of signalling:

“Something isn’t working.”
“Something feels unfair.”
“Something needs attention.”

The cost of suppression

If anger has been something you’ve learned to push down, you might notice:

• you minimise your own needs
• you tolerate more than you want to
• you feel resentment but don’t express it
• you keep “holding it together”

And eventually, it leaks out in ways that don’t feel aligned.

Not because you’re out of control.
But because it’s been contained for too long.

Reframing anger

What if anger isn’t the problem?

What if it’s:

• a signal of a boundary
• a response to something that feels too much
• an indicator that something matters to you

Not something to act out unconsciously…
but not something to ignore either.

Reflection & Stuff to try out

You might wish to explore:

• What situations tend to bring up irritation or frustration for me?
• Where might I be doing more than I have capacity for?
• What feels unspoken or unacknowledged in my life right now?

Anger, when understood, can offer clarity.

Not about what’s “wrong” with you —
but about what might need to change around you.

Because, beautiful solo mummy....

doing everything on her own with very little support, whilst healing, planning the future and trying to create a life she loves that feels ever elusive and sometimes even impossible to achieve, your angry outbursts, chronic tension, soothing with food and alcohol, gritting your teeth or just not being able to speak up, whatever it might be, are completely valid.

You may not know it yet, but getting to know what drives these things and what the pure energy of anger feels like, will become your greatest strengths and glittering golden path to an authentic life that awaits you.

Let me know about your thoughts and experiences with anger, and of course reach out with any questions or comments. I LOVE to hear from my readers, and helping people to find their voice and their authentic power through getting to know their anger is one of my favourite things to do too!

Talk soon.

Gretel xx
Greteljane Somatic Therapy
www.greteljane.com.au
https://www.facebook.com/greteljanesomatictherapy